the real nick lawson

I had a craving for peanut butter today, and so for dinner I made this thing that reminds me of Clear Water, and being 17. Nick Lawson taught me how to make this on Canada Day, and it always makes me think of him

flat bread

peanut butter

strawberry jelly

banana slices

all in the right amount rolled up and it is delicious

oh man

time flysssssss

fin

i wish i could tie you up in my shoes make you feel unpretty too

i love makeup. i love love makeup. if there is a product you want to know about, i am your girl.... if its out there i have tried it.

mascara. this is a tricky one. everyone wants their lashes bigger, thicker, longer...i know it. i have owned about every mascara out there.

There has been a lot of hype around Dior Show.... blah its nothing... you are better off saving the money and buying a drug store brand.

I speak from experience, and I am here to tell you that Mac's Zoom Lash in Zoom Black is the best bet out there.... at 13 bucks its probably among the cheapest too!

that is my contribution to my blog readers.... back to my cynical self next blog

fin.

you go back to her, and i'll go back to black

I spent 6 hours at metro today with Diego listening to Amy Winehouse's two cds on repeat

this is why i love her:


and then every time Back To Black comes on we like to imitate this catastrophic performance:


I think if i was famous I would be about this sober too


fin

a thousand rainy days since we first met

three things i am going to admit for your entertainment:

1) I have given up on pants. My one pair of jeans are officially falling apart and instead of buying a new pair, i bought sparkily gold tights and decided that i can just wear solid tights and shirts for the rest of my life.... or until i hit 26.

2) I have been drunk to varying degrees for 8 out of the last 8 days....heres to number 9!

3) Nick Holmes is still the sexiest man alive.

fin.

an ode to the last four months

So as some of you might know, monica and i never sleep and work like slaves at a hospital all so we can graduate and become functional members of society. You have to cut your teeth somewhere? something like that?
Not to toot our horn but
toot toot!
when we left all the doctors said we were the best students there, and how we were a pleasure yada yada

So yesterday we had to meet with our clinical teacher so she could review our semester. My review was spotless (besides her spelling my name wrong). She had not one negative thing to say except I was sick one day. Then she went over my semester long 60 page assignment which was great, except for the last two pages.
So then this woman who was wearing fake snake skin red leather pants says this:
"i gave you border line satisfactory, but then i just  decided to put it in your file as unsatisfactory... have a good winter break"

if I didn't laugh i would cry

moto '07

fin.

off by heart

The stars are aligned, but they don't align for us. Excuse me for I am the ocean, and I will starve for you. Will you know how to stay brave? Such fragile moments we share. You are my everything, even with nothing to say.

fin.

you try until you can't - you love until you don't

if someone could transport me to may 2010 that would be amazing.

i'll be in my bed hiding incase you find a way to make that happen

sheyah "desperatly seeking spawn"

will someone please PLEASE go see this with me ASAP



fin

knives don't have your back

i think i am subconciously trying to cut my finger off.
I have cut the same finger in about the same place pretty severly every day for the last three days.

no more knives.


also
in t-22 hours i will be done exams
horrah

So I have found the perfect couple... and one day i want to be exactly like them

fin

100 posts!

monica had this dream last night:

Monica - work says: (5:57:01 PM)
i had a nightmare last night that i did some coke this weekend and then was booted out of the program in a very public forum kind of way, and everyone i know boo-ed me


this is the kind of pressure our program puts on us
fuck you ryerson
fuck you

fin.

i'm just a teenage dirt bag baby

I think I had it too good in high school. My skin wasn't that bad, my periods were regular and I never got cramps. I never dated, mostly because boys didn't know I existed, which lead to a very easy, worry free existence. I put all my efforts and money into taylor hanson and the backstreet boys.
Now at 23, I have a pizza face, am about 10 pounds heavier than usual because I am retaining so much water and am dying of cramps. What happened here? This is somewhat backwards, I find it pretty unfair that I am worried about fine lines and breaking out at the same time. One or the other please ... ONE OR THE OTHER.

fin

perfect

ashton you asshole

Yesterday my work was like an episode of punked, except that ashton kutcher never jumped out. It is just as well, i probably would have punched him in the face.
Word to the wise... inappropriate behaviour that makes you look desperate:
showing up at 9pm after taking a taxi from downtown toronto to oakville to 'surprise' the man your are SORT OF seeing.... especially when he has no idea, won't be home for another three hours, has been on a business trip for a week, and has three children who have school the next day - one of which you have never met.

oh and don't call everyone 'dude'.... that needs to stop when you hit 35.

am i in crazy world? please wake me up.

shoot me
please
anyone

fin.

my car is bigger than yours

For some reason of late.... well no
scratch that

i got a little taste of driving big cars... and i liked it.
and now i have a dream car
except there is a little problem ... they don't make them anymore! Oh ford excursion ... i wish we could be together .... we would take those curbs and snow banks with no problem at all....

le sigh

fin.

all dogs go to heaven

My family had to put down my childhood dog yesterday. She was amazing. I know most people think that about their pets but she actually was. She was more like an obedient cat or something. Anyways.....





Sydney -December 27, 1997- December 3, 2007
:(

fin.

i am unwritten

ps- i have a huge crush on mila kunis

fin.

i want a freaky little jewish princess

part II of why i am the way i am RE: my mother.

Today she decided she and I should go to miami... north miami and wear huge star of davids.....in her head this would be hilarious.
in my head i see a beach... and/or a jewish surgeon

either / or would be acceptable

fin.

digital love

You know what is the most fun the the entire world? teaching your 80 year old grandfather how to online bank. Who knew double clicking a mouse was such an ordeal? Also hearing his concerns about 'hackers' was almost as entertaining as him thinking of a safe password... in the end, my grandfather has joined the online world... horrah.

Heather and I watched Bride & Predudice tonight. It was a little over dramatic, and very americanized bollywood.... but all in all a good watch. The main actress was voted the most beautiful woman in the world.... and its true. Go check it out!
plus rory from gilmore girl fame makes an appearance so it can't be that bad!

Do you know that episode of sex and the city. I think its in the second season when all the girls go up to the hamptons? and i think its miranda who starts hooking up with this young dude and gets an STD? At the end, carrie bumps into big who has left for Paris for work, and all of a sudden hes back, with this gorgeous girlfriend.... and carrie wearing a cowboy hat juns to the beach and pukes....
i feel you carrie
i feel you

fin!

you look like you are having the most fun ever...

So yesterday marks my last day of clinical for this semster. Which obviously means cameras. I got very very lucky with my clinical group - they are all amazing people. I knew most of them from last year, but never got to know them until this semester. Anyways, to give you an idea of how pure these 6 other people are, i will tell you this: monica and i seem like the antichrist. In the funniest way possible we 'gossip' before clinical, and monica and i always end up sounding like we are going straight to hell. After clinical yesterday we all went out for a lunch at the Pickle Barrel, to of course gossip. We had a really really good time, and in the midst of talk about cum in hair and monica buying me anal beads it comes to be that every single member of my clinical group (save monica and i) are virgins. They all have cerfiews. LIBERATION. We, we being monica and i, are going to get a hotel room downtown and making every single one of them get sick drunk. Corruption, thy name is the suburbs.

So monica and I must give off a 'together' vibe. We are sitting at a table of seven people. We all order on seperate bills, and have a great lunch. And it comes to bill time, the waiter hands out six bills, looks at monica and i and says 'i took the liberty of putting your meals on the same bill'..... its about right
I made her pay for it

sugahhh mama 4 lyfe

fin

i'm not into making love

i have decided something important.....

i either have to start having sex 6 times a day - or start drinking - or stop eating vegan

something has to give....

i can't go on living like bill hamilton

i just can't.

fin

shes got the ass, i got to look - sawry

You know what.  Anderson Cooper is amazing, he is on Ellen talking about how he watches Tiara Girls, and Sweet Sixteen, and how he hates it, but loves it.

oh mtv

you get everyone.

Also, I am like the gay mans new purse.  They flock to me.  And babies, I am not complaining.

fin.

wave your hands if your not with a man...'can i kick it?' YES YOU CAN!

Today it became quite apparent that Monica and I have officially spent too much time with one another.  When trying to map out our perfect mix cd we had a conversation that went like this:

monica- fleetwood mac, t-pain, billy joel, the boss, hanson, barenaked ladies, marvin gaye, kanye

michelle- elton john, backstreet boys, ludacris, george michael, madonna 

monica- oh oh and the guy you know, the guy (she then throws her hands in the air and circles them)

michelle- oh robbie williams

monica- ya him

we would kills at cranium

fin.

cock eyed

Saturday night, 10:05pm.

Heather and I have agreed to write blogs and then go to bed..... yes, this is what my life has amounted to in 23 years.

So, I wonder if there is something in the air, but I have been insanely flirty this week.  I don't know whats wrong, but i vaguely remember feeling this way last year too.... which means that the end of November must be my mating season or some primitive shit like that.  I wink at all men.  I walk into a room and without thinking find the hottest dude, and start eye fucking the shit out of him.  Last night at a 13 year olds birthday party I got half in the bag and flirted with a manager at boston pizza.  Basically, I am out of control.  But for real.  I am talking even if a dude isn't all that special, I am all about him because hes the best thing in the room.  Is this common? I mean I am not really desperate here? what is going on... i am an out of control flirter.

Also, on an aside, I am playing parent to a 16 year old who didn't tell me where they went, and isn't picking up their cell phone.  So like any rational jewish mother I am going to push aside my promised bed time, and wait up worried for him to come home.  Fucking kids.

fin

dreams come true in blue hawaii

I have been watching Living Lahaina and Maui Fever while doing a project for the past few days, and it makes me miss Hawaii like you wouldn't believe.  I think I am seriously considering moving there.  I have been looking for nursing jobs on the island and they are available.... i want it badddddd. Maui here i come? oui? i sure hope so.

So I was at a soccer game the other night, and i took a picture of this sign on the field.

enjoy

fin.

grow up fast

i found an old year book this morning, and i decided to find my picture.... very bad idea..
i knew i used to be pretty horrible looking

but if you own the 1999/2000 version of the highland year book
get ready to laugh

memories!

fin

my finger tips are holding on to the cracks in our foundations

So i thought of a somewhat funny somewhat too much information blog...

so disclaimer?

if you don't wanna know, stop reading NOW!

When I was in London, at western, I was crazy innocent.  In second year I think all I had ever done was kiss a boy.  So I am sitting in my apartment and all of a sudden i get this rush of unbearable pain on my hip bone.  Like I am talking it feels like someone stuck a knife in and twisted pain.  And then just like that it was gone.  So i am like okay, weird, but i continue to write the essay I was doing, until about an hour later the same thing happens, but this time it was so bad i actually got physically sick from the pain.  So anyways it is super late at night so i decide I should just go to sleep and deal with this in the morning.  Well, that didn't go well because I woke up all night with these surges of pain on my hip bone.  Anyways, I get up the next morning and call the on campus doctor and books an appointment for that day.  I go in and see the doctor who assess' me.  This 60ish year old man does this physical and then looks at me with a straight face and asks me if I play football.  I tell him no.  He then looks at me and tells me I have ripped my muscle from my hip bone, and that only time will heal.  He then goes on to tell me that he has only ever seen this in football players and then looks at me 'knowingly'.  Sadly I have no idea how I acquired this football injury, nonetheless, I spent the remainder of that month with those painful surges of pain.

This brings us to present day.

I have a word of advice for you all.  23 is too old to be acting 17.  The reason 17 year olds can have sex in cars is because they are young, and their bodies can take that abuse.  At 23, your body starts to turn on you in weird ways.  All of a sudden it starts to take a bit longer for certain things to go back to normal... a hangover starts to ruin a whole weekend, not just the next day.  Basically I am dying slowly, and my body is letting me know it.  Anyways, without indulging you all too much, I may have had a nostalgic 17 year old incident this weekend, which really isn't so nostalgic since I had never kissed a boy at 17, but you all catch my drift.  I was acting on a whim... not thinking properly.... not accounting for the fact that my body ain't 16 no mo...... anyways I wake up the next morning and my legs are CRAZY shaky .... like insanely..... and then this morning I wake up and I actually think I have done something to my right thigh.  My muscle keeps locking up and then I limp and look like 50 cent.  Anyways, what makes it worse is that I am constantly around doctors and nurses who notice these things... so after being questioned about it, i have told them all i have a 'running' injury... anyways this doctor INSISTS she looks at my leg and she thinks I may have torn something in my thigh.... i wish i was kidding you.

to conclude... dear muscles.... please start staying attached to where you are supposed to

love michelle lynn

fin

grey

I have nothing to blog about.

But heather seemed serious... so I am sitting in pathology which is my least favourite, and weakest subject.  

I actually need a tutor very badly, so if any of you know of someone who is stellar in upper year pathophysiology I am in nnnneeed.

i hate december.

i hate new years.

i hate christmas.

The only good thing is that it means that one more semester is down, and therefore I am half a year closer to escaping the hell hold I call southern Ontario.

who says you can't go home? who says you should ever want to.

you know that tegan and sara song that says, i wouldn't like me if i met me?.... i feel you sisters

fin

we met in a dream

i make very very bad decisions

if a girl real fine, 9 times out of 10 she fine just like her mama

Sometimes I wonder how i ended up the way i am.... and then i get reminders.

If you read my blog at all you might know that I have had a pretty difficult year.  My mother left me this card on my desk yesterday.  Very positive and supportive and then.... there it was.... a reminder of why i am weird.  Instead of quoting someone inspirational, or well educated... my mother quotes Cory Hart.  I wish I was joking.

fin.

dancing queen

Do you ever find yourself in class and a professor puts you on the spot, and then you open your mouth and the answer comes out? and you didn't even realize you knew it?

does that make sense?

I hope so.  I was in class yesterday and that happened, and i didn't even understand the answer i gave, but it was there.   I somehow am subconsciously learning.  I hope this translates in multiple choice form.

So Monica and i have little things we do to keep from going crazy in the car.  One of these secrets involves an ABBA dance.  And it is horribly embarrassing, and totally necessary.  The problem is that ABBA never comes on the radio so when i happens, its a big deal.  The problem is that we somehow always get caught doing it.  I guess if you have an ABBA dance you might as well share it.

winter makes me sad, how long until the spring?

fin

hello my name is michelle, and...

i am a knitter.

its true. I am really good at it too.
Today I was working at metro, and this girl that I think is a somewhat 'regular' comes in and is shopping around, and sees my knitting

anyways we end up talking about how hard it is to be 23 and a prolific knitter.... we have to overcome all these granny stereotypes

one sweater at a time

viva sheep!

fin (i need sleep).

i go for mine, i got to shine

I have been feeling sick for the last while, but inexplicable, with unusual symptoms.. conclusion? nada.  Just keep on truckin'.

This morning while driving to school on the 403 in stop and go traffic, i turn to monica and say 'i'm feeling super nauseous'.  We sort of laugh it off because its 6 am and life isn't rad.  Somewhere between Burloak and Third Line, i was like 'monica i'm going to puke' and i dropped the steering wheel, and that was it, puke all over the car.  I pulled over, and we did the best we could to make me less gross, and we were on our way to school.  At the end of the day i have a new sweater on and the puke totally dried on my jeans.

wanna do it??

fin

i saw a movie and it just wasn't the same, cause it was happy or i was sad

i just made the most delicious 'omlete' out of tofu and brocoli and salsa and tofu cheese...

i want someone to pay me to drop out of school and cook and bake all day...

any takers??

So judy was home this weekend, and a nice short suprise visit from alana. I am so terribly busy with assigments that the sum total of our 'hang out' was the drive to and from the movie theater ha ha it was good to be with them and heather though, seemed like old times.

getting old is lame

fin!

you don't love me, the way that i love you

in highschool i was ugly. not to say i am extrodinary beautiful now, but compared to 1999, i am to say the least, slightly improved. All the dudes a year older than me, never paid me any attention, actually to be honest, some of them were quiet mean. I remember, and not to mention any names, but its my blog so FUCK YOU DAN STROLL, telling me I was so ugly a boy would never ever date me ever. Obviously i told on him.
Annnnyways
yesterday, one of these brutal dudes asked me to move to toronto and have babies with him.....
ha!
hahahahahhaha ha!

i'm sorry, i am fairly sure your best friend let me know that no dude would ever want me ever, you better go take it up with him

douche wads

fin

i love big buts

So i have gained a fair amount of weight in the last half year.  I would actually say i weigh the most i have weighed in like 6 years! BUT it has all gone to my tits and ass.... seriously.  I have no ass whatsoever.... right now i feel like jlo.  I was getting in the shower and caught a glimpse of my ass in the mirror.... and was like whhhhat the fuck is that.... sadly tomorrow i am done with shitty food and procrastinating my working out, but i do know what it is like to have an ass... but hopefully it will go and take my tits with it.

Heather, i need to show you how large my ass is, you wouldn't even believe it unless you saw it in the flesh.  I feel pretty sexy in a fatty sort of way.

its huge.

So i got a new laptop recently.  My old one is sort of on its last legs, and it has its good and bad days.  So what I have done is this.  I use my old laptop as a 'games' computer, i use it for msn, facebook, myspace, just doing nothing on the internet.  My new computer is just for school work.  I'll tell you something, this has seriously cut my procrastination in half.  It is the best system i have ever had.  It might seem excessive, but its all i got.  Hopefully, this makes me pass the year.

fin.

i wanna rock your gypsy soul

PROCRASTINATION NATION

remember two or so blogs ago i promised no more waiting until it was necessary....so far, so bad.
I have had a sinus infection oh for about a week now. It got so bad on Saturday that finally, i an almost medical professional decided i needed a doctor. So I drive down to the nearest walk in clinic where they announce there is over a two hour wait. I promptly decide that my head exploding is a better option than a two hour wait and walk out. Knowing that my head might actually explode, I call one of my bosses and get him to call in a prescription to my pharmacy, and there you go - i am on a road to recovery..... except what ever was in my sinus' decided to make a mean escape out my nose and I feel sick in different ways....

i am so hot
no wonder i have all the boyzzzzz after me

fin

The city freeze boy, I just realize I don't like you

Monica and I spend at least 10 hours a week in the car... at least :S.
So we have these games we play, when we are driving down queen st. we pick out hot dudes and then rip into each others tastes.... and so on.
When we are having really bad days, where we are hard on our selves we have another game. When we are looking for these hot dudes on Queen st. we often see some fairly 'interesting' characters. We keep these people in our 'at least we're not...' box. When we are having bad days, we dip into this box. Yesterday afternoon we came across an interesting gentleman and decided we were going to start photographing our 'at least we're not...' people for your enjoyment....

so dudes and babes ... if you are having a bad day, at least you aren't walking down queen st. w. at 2:30pm looking like this :

fin.

it's strange how he stays even though i'm in disarray

when i was running today, bootylicious came on my ipod run mix, and i thought to myself, is this really a word in the english language?
unfortunatly,
Webster's New Millennium™ Dictionary of English
Entry: bootylicious
Part of Speech: adj
Definition: sexually attractive, esp. in the buttocks
Etymology: booty + delicious
Usage: slang

So neil young is playing in toronto this november, and i REALLY want to go see him, but its like 150 bucks....what the fuck is with ticket prices??
i wanted to go see bon jovi, but any decent ticket at the ACC is 135!
at a steal of only $120 we can go and see the spice girls ??
basically, i can either go to school, or drop out and work to attend musical acts that are over priced, and in the end probably not worth the show.

I love halloween.... but last year i was going through shitty things, and this year its again a shitty time... wtf
i don't want shitty halloween feelings!
WTF!

hopefully i get to use my costume, its been itching to get out of my closet

fin!

this is a lesson in procrastination

I always leave things until the last minute. And it really never effected anything seriously. I mean I would for the most part pull all nighters and get incredibly stressed out, but really it was just a vicious cycle. I would always pull it off, which just gave me 'permission' to leave it all until the last minute next time.

Recently, I have been joining the real world, and my procrastination is starting to look REALLY trashy. I mean, I get shit done, but it just looks lazy, and disorganized on my behalf. It just looks bad. I find other aspects of my procrastination are starting to gross me out too.... like how my gas light goes on everytime I need to fill up.... why don't I just fill up before I am praying I don't stall in the middle of the 403? OR how about 1 oil change before my light flashes at me.... I mean my littler service sticker told me a month ago.... but no. I leave everything until the last possible second, and then I am just running around about 98% of my life like a chicken with its head cut off.....

SO heres the deal, aren't you meant to write down your goals? doesn't it make them more achievable?

goal the first:
1) no more procrastinating.

fin

what can enter when our hearts are open

i just got a hard on
my two favourite things mixing




i just want sarah harmer and feist to tour together and my life would be complete.

also i have taken to baking in order to avoid the real world... put in your orders

fin

yes i know the feeling, know you're leaving

my eye balls hurt
did you know that was possible....?

also i have no money and an overwhelming urge to get new boots.... some how i think it might just help. I had to spend 400 dollars on books for one class today, i kept putting it off and putting it off and finally, I needed them so badly that it felt like a relief to spend the money and just own the books..... school is a motherfucker... so is inflation. When I started my university career it was just over four grand a year... now its well over five. If anyone wishes to support my university going ass please inquire within...

I have this new goal of not using my credit card.... lets see how that goes :S

Do you ever have cds playing at inopportune times, and then if ruins it for you.... like every time I hear that cd all I am going to be able to think about is that awkward moment.....I think I did that to my favourite cd today, lets hope I didn't.....

ps: who is into old sarah harmer like i am? i think she is my new feist

fin

i don't like the drugs, but the drugs like me

i have a really small clinical group at school, who are mostly uptight catholic virgins. Naturally, Monica and I like to pull their chains and promote free love..... one of them actually told me that her boyfriend of 5 years suggested they have anal sex because it isn't her losing her virginity... i let her know that was a bad option

did you believe dudes actually pulled that line?
it happens!
haha
also an acceptable Friday night is going to church with their boyfriends they are hiding from their parents.... i feel like the anti-Christ..... and i am taking them all down with me

fin

in the midst of chaos and movement you must find a stillness within

if you hold something in your heart every single day, do you think that letting a piece of it go to its part owner will relieve the pain... if only for a second?
it seems worth it
clarity and weight lifted from ones shoulders should be rewarding
even if it only lasts for
a second
a day
a month
or forever

to the future? to sharing the sorrow. to letting people know they are in your everyday and you are in theirs - even if they had no idea. to closure.

i want a perfect soul

as promised....rainbows

new radiohead!

I have no idea why when I talk about my favourite bands I never mention radiohead.... in any case for a donation of your choice you can digitally own In Rainbows which is wonderful the first time through..... and even better the second.

and kittens!

i really really really want a new cat. but i have no time..... so i have been trying to enjoy my old cat lately. Patti. She is the most antisocial cat I have ever owned.....I actually tend to own really independent cats. This one time I had a lap cat, but she only really liked my mothers lap....its probably for the best i avoid buying any new cats.... i am half way to being that crazy cat woman already.

annnnd finally,

its knitting season again!!

put your orders in now babes

fin.

when i say 'lets keep in touch' i hope you know i really mean 'i wish that you'd grow up'

I was going through pictures of myself and others from a couple years ago the other day. I was thinking I can't believe this was almost three years ago. Is that not insane? 2005 was almost three years ago - where does the time go?
And then I would have a flip, and see pictures of myself and it would take me a minute to register it was me. Somehow every year I seem to add something to my get ready routine.... i feel like that episode of the fresh prince when Will gets trapped in a basement with the girl her is seeing. She pulls out her weave, takes off her nails.... and he freaks out and says 'what part of you is real??'

sadly i feel that way!

You know when you were younger, and everyone would tell you to enjoy it now, because when you get older there is so much more to worry about. I didn't realize all those things kicked in at 23. I thought I had like 5 more years before I had to worry about the real world? Aren't the 30's the new 20's.... shouldn't i be carefree.... not worrying about anything but what I am doing friday night? OR maybe I just worry too much.... I think I am genetically dispositioned to worry. I come from a long line of worriers. I mean I am Jewish, isn't it a requirement to be dramatic and stress over nothing? I always thought I was good at not stressing out.... going with the flow.... apparently I am just good at suppressing and then having minor breakdowns when I can't push it down anymore.
ALSO to all the girls out there... do you find you cry a lot more the older you get? I used to never ever cry.... now bell commercials get me crying... haha! i sound so depressing.... i promise my next blog will be about rainbows and kittens....



fin!

i've got a plan to sleep for 40 days and 40 nights

do you ever have really bad days ..... like its 10:30 am and its already a bad day? and then you walk to your car and there is a parking ticket?

welcome to my today

fin

hello, my name is michelle and....

So You Think You Can Dance makes me cry. I have seen every episode and I am watching a marathon on much music right now... and still
i cry

lame!

fin

i hope i never figure out who broke your heart... baby if i do

Last night heather and I travelled to London, Ontario to see Tegan and Sara! They were wonderful as always... but the pleasant surprise of the evening came when the opener was amazing! AMAZING.... they were seriously a female beastie boys ( which makes sense since they seemed to have worked with Adrock quiet a bit), there were called Northern State... you should all check them out and enjoy.






Heather and I ate at Prince Al's and in a weird wave of nostalgia, i think

'god i miss this place'
















ew (not to the beautiful heather and i, but to my longing for the forrest city).



fin.

the answer is not for us

grocery baby, your wishbone is where your back bone oughta be

i am reading a memoir called Eat, Pray, Love.
I just read that line.... and then i had to read it three more times to really get it.
I think everyone should spend the 15 bucks and pick this book up....
warning you might want to take a year and live in Italy and India

i sure do

fin

bang bang, my baby shot me down

have you ever heard that forgiveness is a virtue of the weak?
or maybe you heard that it is an ornament of the strong?


I have often wondered why when I was younger, I always had my older relatives telling me that women were so much smarter... 'don't ever get married Michelle' - i cannot even count the amount of times I heard that. They were so against the institution of marriage ... long before I even considered it. This whole situation has really gotten me thinking lately - are woman smarter than men?
clearly the answer is no... but do we think smarter... i think the answer is yes.
what is cheating?
to a man, i think he considers it straight up fucking. His girlfriend can be emotionally unfaithful, but nothing hits home like her fucking homeboy.
to a woman? sex is sex. I think the emotional straying is the hardest part to get over.
Recently I was really close to a situation where the husband had been cheating on his wife for 4 years.... and you know what .... she tried to get over it .... and it wasn't the sex ... it was the fact he was in a relationship with the woman.
So then blog readers whats worse.... the sex or the pillow talk?

fin

its 4:08 am
i have to be awake at 5:00am
and it hits me

i think
1) work is stressing me out
2) i hate school

fin

dear feist, i love you, michelle.

"I Feel It All"

I feel it all I feel it all
I feel it all I feel it all
The wings are wide the wings are wide
Wild card inside wild card inside

Oh I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun
I know more than I knew before
I know more than I knew before
I didn't rest I didn't stop
Did we fight or did we talk?

Oh I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one to hold the gun
I love you more
I love you more
I don't know what I knew before
But now I know I'm wanna win the war

No one likes to take a test
Sometimes you know more is less
Put your weight against the door
Kick drum on the basement floor
Stranded in a fog of words
Loved him like a winter bird
On my head the water pours
Gulf stream through the open door
Fly away
Fly away to what you want to make

I feel it all, I feel it all
I feel it all I feel it all
The wings are wide, the wings are wide
Wild card inside, wild card inside

Oh I'll be the one to break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll be the one who'll break my heart
I'll end it though you started it

The truth lies
The truth lied
And lies divide
Lies divide

i am a robot... you are a machine

I think my laptop has a mind of its own. We have a love hate relationship. It has attempted to die on me several times over the last 6 years. With lots of love and money, I have kept it alive. Over the last half year, my laptop has been taking a turn for the worse, and I have finally come to terms that I will need to get a new one sooner than later. Then last month, it started just shutting off, and disconnecting my Internet, and I knew it was time. So I seriously started to put some time looking into my options.... but then something weird happened. My laptop just started working like new again. It was as if it felt its impending doom, and smartened up. I could even leave it on over night with no consequence. It seemed as though, I could save the two grand, and live in comfort. You know what though, it has been six years, and the beauty of the macbook has been calling my name for an awful long time, so I started treating the ol' HP like shit. Moving it around, never turning it off - but it just got stronger.
And here it is ... the AI revenge.
I was nice to it last night, turned it off even. And I woke up this morning turned it on and thought 'you know what, maybe I should hold off on the new laptop for another school year'.... then the bitch of a computer starting acting up this morning.
In conclusion, when we find out we are actually living in the matrix, don't say I didn't know.

fin

you can't read your smile; it should be written on your face

Do you ever walk out of situations and thing 'that would only happen to me'. Not in the sense that I think I am so unique or special that there are actual 'Michelle situations' .... but you know what - that is what I am getting at. I put myself in situations, and then when I retell the story, I don't even make it to the punch line, and people are already in shock.
I guess the main questions is why?
I have no clue.
Do you ever do things, and it seems okay in the moment, and then you sit up in bed at 9:10 am and think huh?? The sunlight brings with it a strange sense of clarity. Even in the most sober of situations, things done at 2am hardly seem bad compared to how they seem at 2pm the next day. Is there a name for this anomaly? How is it that judgment is so cloudy and then so clear... there is no regret... just that an act can seem so kosher in the moment, and a few hours later seem so 'fucked'? I think what I am getting at is this... if you do not regret an action, and if you had to do it over you would do the same, why does it seem so sketchy now, and not in the moment? Is there repressed regret in there that I just cannot see? ... i cannot put my finger on how i feel.
If anything, I actually feel great... can I scratch that whole last paragraph? I am restating my current position. It seemed okay in the moment, but so unusual now. That sounds more like how I feel. No guilt, no do overs, just shock.....
its funny how writting gets you to your real feelings sometimes.

On an aside, someone ate a subway sub in my car. As in the ordered it, ate in, threw out the garbage.... no spills, no half sub lingering for hours. My car smells of sub still. I am sort of concerned about what subway is putting into there subs, better yet, do I smell like that after eating a sub? If so, subway and I are over. My car currently smells like onions, alcohol, and vague tinch of stale cigarettes.... its like a cougar.

fin!

live through this and you won't look back

At work today, I was convinced to go through the McDonalds drive through. I had a bad feeling about it from the start.... i have this crazy intuition, and I for some reason wasn't 'down' with McDonalds.
So as we are turning into the drive through, i have to make a decision, do i chance the uber tight turn and drive up on the curb, or stop and do an awkard three point turn in the middle of the drive through to straighten out.....
obviously i take the curb.
In most cases, my little civic can handle these curbs, but because of the rain, and the fellow risk takers, the tire groove between the curb and the grass was soft, muddy, and my wheel got stuck.
Picture this.... Sabrina and I standing while my wheel is turning and mud is flinging everywhere.... oh by the way we are blocking the entire McDonalds drive through lane. Lucky for us, like everyone near totally came to help, and 4 men later, they actully lifted my car our of the ditch and we drove through the drive through and got the food..... and free ice cream because they felt bad for us.
All in all... mickyd's you are the devil
the devil that comes with free ice cream

oh and ps - i broke a nail during this ordeal

psssh

fin.

i always catch the clock at 11:11

I had this discussion with monica the other morning on our way to school... it went something like this:

Why do people feel the need to call me after11pm on a weeknight? Everytime my cell phone screams Al Green past 11pm on a weeknight, i think to myself these things in this order:
1) is someone in trouble?
- no no no one is in trouble, it is just X wanting to chat ... or Y wanting to know what chapter to read
2) blind rage

I wake up at 5am... therefore if you call me past 11pm on a weeknight without just cause, the following will happen, i will wake up when my alarm wakes me up, brush my teeth, and dial your number.
I will be more than ready to chat at 5:16 am....

disclaimer to the above: if you are heather clark, or a man i am sleeping with, please feel free to call me at anytime

the rest of you jerks...ill catch you in the AM

fin

sweetheart, bitterheart, now i can't tell you apart

pretentious rant
t-3....2.....1.....

oh feist.
In the most teeny bopper way possible, this indie rocker has gotten me musically through the last year of my life with her infectious songs with even more infectious and haunting lyrics.
I sound like an ad!
But for real.
I listen to a cd of hers almost every day..... and then its happening
I was in Hawaii and I heard her on the radio ... but it made sense, because Hawaii actually had decent radio......
and then ..dun dun dunnnnn - Ipod Nano revamp
and who else, but my feist is the face and song behind the new nano
if one more person googles 'who is the woman behind nano commercial' i think my head and heart will explode...

its like your little best kept secret being whored out
you can't not be happy for her
but you feel like the world might not get her like you do

and in my feist world
it feels like i wish all these people could see this for what it is.... they're not in love

fin.

these boots were make for kicking

i got a puppy.

michelle's shoes: 0
darwin-dylan: 2

in conclusion, if you see me barefoot in the near future ... it really won't be my fault

fin

Suburban Crack

Everyone has their habits right? You bite your nails, you chew your gum, you smoke, you smoke too much, you smoke weed, you do coke, whatever... everyone has their habits.
When does a habit become bad? or too much.... what about emotional habits. Are we as people suseptable to habitually becoming self-loathing. Is this a habit? What if you get addicted to doing things that feel good in the moment but are regretable later? Isn't that what most material habits end up as? A smoker will in most cases eventually try to quit. The cravings get really bad and they give in, and in that moment it is fantastic, but then what?, a week later - a day later - an hour later - in the middle ... it creeps in.... that shitty feeling.
What happens when your habits aren't socially deemed unacceptable. What if your habits are walking around all day with someone. How do you break a habit that no one can see? What happens if that habit out weighs not having that habit?
Do you ever think about yourself as a unit and not really know how it all happened? I feel like the last two years have been this blur and I just have these photograph like memories of it all. Sometimes I feel like its all escaping me so fast, the days, the months, its like this drain effect....
I thought a lot about my teenage years today, i went on this nostalgic trip all afternoon with a friend.... we shared our pasts.... i think it was a way for us to both hide from the future.

fin.

gimme less

oh god brit-brit
you went from sex godess working with the neptunes and dating an n*sync-er to lip sinc-er with a beer belly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihH6TpxPcRI&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eperezhilton%2Ecom%2F

watch the tragedy unfold

fin.

for a minute there, i lost myself

two things...
new obsession... which is really an old obsession : radiohead.

secondly,

who doesn't love e.e. cummings?

i carry your heart with me
by e. e. cummings

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it
(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)


fin.

theres no combination of words you can put on the back of a post card

hawaii blog soon

realizations:
it isn't hamilton i miss
it is heather

conclusion:
take heather to hawaii to live


rejoice!
fin

I follow suit and layed out on my back imagine that, a million hours left to think of you and think of that

i always have insanely accurate horroscopes.


Horoscopes

Virgo: It's time to put a difficult relationship behind you. It's only causing you pain lately, and it's not getting any better - so get better on your own.

...and I remember I was doing nothing the night Jeff Buckley died

I love Jeff Buckley. I have for years. I think that most people who hear him for the first time have the same response.... where have I been???
I remember the first time, and the first song I ever heard, and how impactful it was on me. Last Goodbye... I was 15. I just sort of sat there infront of morpheus, on my family computer in my living room in dundas and thought: who is this? how do i get more?
AND THEN it happens, you find out he is dead! and how he died! and you listen to Grace from start to finish 3 times, and then you get your hands on Sketches, and its over. You are in love. A love that can't ever die, because its hard to get and so rare. Besides Live bootlegs, and then the 4 song eps and the newest So Real record... he only really released one full length before her died... Sketches is so beautiful, but unfinished....
In anycase, your new love for buckley cannot ever be filled because you know he had so much more, and left so little.

And then you slowly find out that there are other buckley lovers out there. The best part of this is that most people who really love Jeff Buckley think they are the only ones in the world who could possibly love him. And that there love is so much greater than everyone elses. I watched a documentary on him once, and Brad Pitt was talking about him like he owned him haha.... i think its a common theme though... he envokes this crazy passion in people... its fairly special.
If you are reading this and do not own a Jeff Buckley cd... go out NOW - RUN - you will be doing youself a favour.

fin!

i'm jealous of your cigarette

I turn into a man when I am sick. Does that translate? For the most part, I have found that when men are sick they revert back to being about 4.5 years old. All they do is sulk, and say 'i am so sick' over and over.
Today... more accuratly, this very evening a flu like sickness has begun to take over. So has two other things.

1) me turning into a 4.5 year old... i just like to say 'oh i am so sick' and 'pay attention to me' over and over and over

2) *and most importantly
COUGH SYRUP!
if any of you know me
really know me
you will know that i like to knock back childrens strength buckleys by the half bottle. It doesn't make you tried becuase its childrens strength... tastes great because its for kids ! and it makes your feel stoned and then if that wasn't enough
it makes you better

viva buckley

on an aside i have a true story.... the girl i drive to school with is from THE buckley's family... she is my lil knight in cough syrup armour.

ohh yeaaah
bbbuuuckllleyyys

viva sick!

horrah!

fin

i feel you in my heart, and i don't even know you

Dear Joanna Davids and Joe David

you're names make me laugh... your company makes me smile.... my north toronto blog (including pictures) is coming.....
soon babies
very very soon

fin

harder, better, faster, stronger

OHMAHGAWD


I saw daft punk last night. In all honesty I really have very few words besides, I can actually never go to a concert ever again because I just saw the best show of all time.

I really want to go backto 1997 and become a hard raver.... people had glow sticks, it looked like american apparel had thrown up everywhere.... it was glorious!



fin

so close you can almost taste it

blog readers. in 9 days, my world starts again.

The Hills season three. August 13th, 10pm.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

heidi be a hoooooooooe

fin!

i wanted to know you when we were both older

I have another random, discombobulated blog.

First... how great is being a vegetarian these days? I became a vegetarian on my own accord when i was 5 years old.. so in about 1989. When I was little NO one knew what a vegetarian was, and if they did, they sort of looked at me like i was an alien. Trying not to stray too much, I am going to attempt to explain a part of Everything Is Illuminated, which is a fantastic movie by the way, but more importantly has a scene that pretty much explains what it was like growing up in the late 80s and early 90s as a vegetarian. My life consisted of conversations, that took place in this movie...
stranger- would you like a hot dog
michelle - no i am a vegetarian
stranger- what?
michelle - oh i just don't eat meat
s- what about chicken?
m- nope no meat
s- fish?
m- nope no meat at all
s- well you must eat some meat, how do you survive
m- i then attempted a witty comeback of sorts but it usually failed because i was oh you know 7.
Back on track now, I was at Ryerson yesterday and hadn't eaten all day, so i decided to stop at a street meat vendor and get some sweet sweet veggie meat. And on my way to class I thought, how great is this? All those years i went to birthday parties, and other peoples houses and everyone thought i was insane. And now you can find veggie options EVERYWHERE. At a young age I got introduced to a lot of Thai, and middle eastern foods because in those days that was the only option for eating out as a vegetarian really. I remember that Harvey's was the first place to come out with a veggie burger but probably 10 years after i had already stopped eating meat. My point is that I never felt 'ripped off' or anything, because I had made the decision to stop eating meat on my own. I never had the urge to eat it at all, even when all my friends were eating burgers at birthday parties, i was happy eating a bun with lettuce and tomatoes... I think its just amazing that a child can grow up and remain under the radar with their food decisions. I don't begrudge the fact that I had to explain myself so often, I am just happy that its way more socially acceptable to leave meat out of your diet these days.

hahaha somehow i feel i should stop writing.... that this blog will go on too long... but i am feeling open and opinionated this morning so here we go.
Do you ever find that you come across the most interesting information in the most inopportune situations. Its like you find out someone said something about you BUT you were hanging out with someone that you weren't suppost to be with.... or reading something you should have not read, or are sworn to secrecy before being given the information. Whatever your personal experience may be, I think we have all been there and it sucks. Its like having the gun but the trigger being jammed... i know that is a terribly violent analogy, but i think it gets the point across. A sub-issue is when someone tells you something and it is SUCH a big deal to you, but to the person that told you its nothing. So you end up feeling stupid for even caring.

Blog readers... michelle the funky homosapien is a weird and unusual person who makes poor decisions most of the time..... she plans on growing out of this awkward self loathing, and self destructive phase as soon as she figures out how to do so.

fin.

it's cool to love your family

i just called my fifteen year old brother to gossip about our cousin who is visiting from california. I haven't been home to dundas yet to see him since he flew in, so I wanted some dirt before I made the trip home.
All my brother had to say was this "oh my god michelle, he is a total trogg'

i have raised kevin so so well

fin.

dundas to scarborough... fuck compton

about a month ago i went through this huge mess where i got bangs, and then got drunk, and got my brother to cut my bangs too short ... blah blah

anyways they are getting pretty long again which is key... and i actually really love them. BUT every time i see a girl with bangs, I'm like man! i want HER bangs. I thought i was good at doing hair... apparently not so. I have a wicked bad time styling my bangs. They look alright half the time i do them....passable almost the other half.... and then about once a week they are horrible and unmanageable and i need a hat. If you know how to do my hair, please come show me.

I must really like these bangs because they are brutal inconvenient and take way longer to style than my old hair.... we will see how it works out.

So today Monica and i are driving to Scarborough to literally pick up a cd and turn around a drive back. Ryerson is a fucking disorganized nightmare. It has been the most horrible post secondary institution I have ever dealt with. I know that's only three schools, but it is just so fundamentally disorganized........ gah I am frustrated.
I guess the silver lining is that we will be enjoying the sweet sweet stylings of urban radio once again..... oh kanye and justin.... how i missed you boys.

fin.

the saddest part of a broken heart isn't the ending so much as the start

Do you ever have a day in mind? For months and months, it seems like this distant dream. For whatever reason you await this day... a trip? a show? an arrival? But it is so far off that this day just seems like a thought, a surreal image that comes in and out of your mind. And then, out of nowhere you wake up, and think... today. today. today is July 30th. And you had 'forgot' about it already, it was gone, but your inner workings knew, because when you wake up, its there - out of nowhere, and you were actively waiting all along and you never knew. But today. Today is the day. I wonder if its a feeling because I know, or a feeling because it is within me; it is me... and it is him and within him too. I wonder if he knows that today is the day, i wonder if he ever knew.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

fin.

so this is goodbye

I have a somewhat eclectic taste in music that spans over many styles, and times, and tastes. I would like to think that I can usually find something I would enjoy in most genres, and if not I think that I can appreciate what someone is trying to accomplish.

This being said, I have had the same favourite band for months now. They are truly amazing (and coincidentally from my home town!). Junior Boys have been gaining international recognition over the last few years, and believe me it is more than deserved. If you aren't into buying Cd's, "So This is Goodbye" is totally worth your 15 bucks. Download it even... go see them live if you can! This band is blowing up, and you should all help - because they are definitely doing something worth listening to.

On a totally personal note, I am also in love with one of the members, and think its dangerous that he lives in Hamilton when he isn't on tour...... hahahaha you can take the girl out of the boy band tshirt, but you can't take the boy band tshirt out of the girl? does that make sense? don't let my 14 year old love deter you from giving this amazing band a listen... you will fall in love ... i promise.

fin

stop the world in the middle of good-bye

On thursday night, Alana, Ashley and I went to the el mo in toronto for the kick off wakestock party/skate 4 cancer party. It was allllright, except that everyone seemed 19. It is lucky that I look 16, or I would just look weirdly out of place all the time.

So yesterday, heather, judy and I went to see The Wooden Sky, Cain and Able, and Hoosier Poet, at the beating heart festival in Mississuaga. It was actually pretty good, except that we missed The Wooden Sky whole set, which was our main purpose. All in all, I actually really enjoyed it. They have free shows there every friday night for the remainder of the summer.
After the bands played, we went over to the imax to watch "I Now Proncounce You Chuck and Larry". I really really enjoyed it. Adam Sandler has still got it.

Heather and I both bought new cameras within a week of each other. So this means way more pictures for your viewing pleasure... her camera is a billgillion times better than mine, but but but this just means you are all gonna get sweet pictures when I punk them off her flicker account muhahahhaa.

fin!

ps - i have the cutest animals of all time... its true... they colour coordinate and everything

change clothes

I always think I own no clothes or underware. BUT today i realized that the last time i did laundry was before fathers day. So this morning I did 8 loads of laundry. And in fact I have a lot of clothes, and A LOT of underware. I feel like I just went shopping. Well lets me honest, I just did go shopping, but that i have to stop. I find that i subconciously go shopping for new clothes because all my other ones are dirty. Laundry once a week!! thats my new plan....

fin!

i've been on yuh since prince was on apollonia

I have a feeling that most of you blog readers have an ugly cry. When you are really upset and start to cry you all probably look like monsters... but I, Michelle L. Norton, have a beautiful real cry. Really, it is a talent. I can be wearing makeup and fake eyelashes and not smudge a thing. My real cry is beautiful and flawless. BUT! we live in a world of balance, so I am also the proud owner of a creepy, ugly, real smile. Because of this I have perfected a fake smile, but once in a while something happens.... and my real smile comes out. In these cases I am usually genuinely happy, or have some other plans, or something....

In any case, now that you see the evidence, do not hold it against me ... just know if you see that smile.... I am probably actually pretty happy.

fin!

this ain't a scene

Yesterday, I traveled to beautiful downtown St. Catherines with Heather, Alana, and about 1000 of our closest 17 year old girl jean, silverstein t-shirt wearing friends. The obvious highlights being Moneen, and Attack In Black.

I love scene fest.... if you have never been, I really suggest it. You always run into a million people you know, the music is great, the atomosphere is fun... St. Catherines is beautiful... what more could you ask for??

Disappointment. Lie down. Lick the sorrow from your skin, scratch the terror and begin to believe you’re strong

When I was in elementary school, I had the 'luck' of being in a school that was more like a war ground. I swear to you, I grew up with the most malicious, conniving, and genuinely mean people there ever was. You would think with this perspective I must have been the kid that they all picked on. BUT it was much worse than that. I was one of the 'popular' kids that followed around the one lead drone who made our class mates life hell, and us - her friends - her followers life even more hellish. We were in constant fear that this girl would exile us to the others. She would turn us on each other, and it was obvious she was the root of the groups inner fights, but we would never call her on her shit ... she was the queen bee ... we were her dolls. I actually had a girl get mad at me once because we never got into fights, and real friends get into fights. That is how I lived from the age of four, until the last half of grade 6... so i was what? 12! I just spent my whole life worrying I would piss off this main girl, and that it would be all over. And then half way through my grade 6 year, I just got up and walked away. In the middle of lunch or something, I just couldn't do it anymore ... and I spent the last half of grade 6 being a loner. Which was probably the most worth while time I spent in that school.

I think we are all wondering what the point of this story is .... my point is this: I at the age of 12 got up and walked away because I realized how ridiculous that lifestyle was.... and now at 22 I am watching another group of acquaintances live that EXACT life. They are all high and mighty about who to bring down this month, and they all look to a couple leaders to think for them. Luckily for me, they aren't my friends, and I don't have to deal with their antics, and their obvious need for attention. My problem stems from being made a target of their grade 2 drama. I don't care what any of them think because it is unfounded, ridiculous, and the workings of one or two people... and the rest of their drones just jump in the pool to be accepted. It is funny how people will attack you for what they are most insecure about in themselves.
Finally, I think the funniest part of this whole situation is how this whole group of people RIP into each other. IF they only knew what their precious gang was saying behind their backs. Honestly dudes, and dudettes, I doubt you read my blog - but if you find yourself here and still reading... a word of advice I learned at the age of 12: grow up, get your own mind, and get over yourself....

fin.

I would rather be with your friends mate cause they are much fitter

today i will discuss three things that have nothing to do with each other... sorry for the lack of flow.

1) Veet. I have been shaving my legs for ohh about 8 years. Razor. Shaving..... and THEN a 12 year old tells me about veet. You just put this foam on your legs, wait three minutes and then you have no hair anywhere.... no missed spots, no cuts....seriously I will never look at a razor again... veet everyone! it will change your life! or at least make it easier.

2) I have this strange ability to enter situations that I know are going to end terribly. I just jump into them with no hesitation. Which got me thinking I am a very RIGHT NOW person. I don't think that its such a bad quality. I just think that maybe it leads me down paths a normal, rational person might not take. I think I am going to make a mid year resolution...come september I am going to think things through.... but until then... watch out

3) Has anyone else noticed anthony from redhot chilli peppers got hot again?
I thought it in grade 4 and I think it again
damn boy
damn

fin

42 steps from the street

I think by this point we can agree I had a somewhat unusual upbringing. As a result of this - I truly believed that my life was being affected by the direction of my bed, and what way I slept on my bed. I got this idea of feng shui from my parents, and always thought my life was a direct result of my furniture arrangement. For this reason, around the age of 5 I started rearranging my furniture. Everytime I would have a fight with a friend, or a bad game in one of my sports, I was convinced it was because of how my bed was facing.
I would like to say I grew out of this obsession, but no. It has been a pretty steady routine of furniture moving for me since I was about 5. Since I moved back from London to Hamilton, I moved into the smallest bedroom in the house - which allows me very little option for my bed arrangement. Lately I have been getting better at not needing to move all my furniture around - but it might be time to improve my feng shui again.... in conclusion (again), I was the weirdest child alive.

fin.

i think the dust has settled on me, but I don't care - it was so calm - i knew i wouldn't stay forever, I knew I would get some things together

Does anyone believe in coincidence? I had someone ask me if I did about a month ago - and I without hesitation answered : no. I really don't. I think all those weird twists of fate, or weird occurrences that only could happen one in a million times are meant to be.
I seem to be having a lot of these moments of 'twist of fate' lately. And it doesn't seem coincidental that i just got asked if I believe in them or not.... does this make sense? I think the trouble for me is that I try to read into them - and take something away from them.
It is just too uncanny to be totally random.
I know oakville isn't huge, and everyone owns a pink razor
but come on.
seeeriously.

So the other day while killing time before Harry Potter, Sabrina and I played 14 times of Dance Dance Revolution. Basically internet readers - I am the master.

fin

you think you're so smart, but i've seen you naked .... and i'll probably see you naked again

I spent four years living in london with one goal: moving back to hamilton. I hated every single second I lived there, but it was okay because I was moving back to hamilton in - 3 years, 2 years, 8 months, and so on.... I had this mental count down to 'freedom'.
I feel like the world has funny ways of 'working out' or I guess if you are on the other side of it "fucking you over harrrd". All the time I hated london I think I was really avoiding all the good things it had to offer me. Now I am back in Hamilton, and it has literally taken less than 1 year to want to start my countdown of leaving again. Except this time I have no haven to escape to.
So I guess what I am trying to say is this: Maybe I should take a note from my London experience and open myself up to Hamilton. I mean whats the point of plotting my escape in 2.5 years .... why not enjoy the moment? carpe diem (right? :S)
Easier said than done.
The trouble of escaping skeletons is that you usually just find new ones wherever you go.

fin

the show must go on

oh man..... Ed Mirvish died today. Wasn't he an insitution ? a light that never went out? He was just two weeks shy of his 93rd birthday.
Anyways, the man was a philanthropist, and a huge supporter of the theater district in Toronto, and just generally a huge support to the 'underdogs' of the city.
I am not sure if I can go downtown anymore, that with Sam the Record Man closing its doors, and now - no more honest ed.
What a depressing, depressing month.

On an aside, I know he was 93, but don't things like this make you feel way more mortal? He was in St. Michael's Hospital.... I walk past that place at least twice a week...... eeee ....... I better get on accomplishing all these goals i have.

in any case... honest ed this ones for you

wouldn't it be nice?

'you always the lose the girl in a brian wilson world'... oh bon jovi ... how you capture my dear dear brian wilson.
i think its weird that listening to the beach boys gets me down. isn't it meant to be uppity? at least thats how i felt about it in '89. Now i just think he was such a sad, sad, amazing, but sad man. It's worse then listening to elliott smith all night. his shit was depressing. i am putting the pet sounds down and backing away quietly.
The weekend in the city was lovely. On thursday, Heather, Alana, and I went to see Calvin Johnson at the greenhouse. He ran out of buttons right as I went to buy one... that was the low point of the evening.

Friday we went to see The Cinematic Orchestra at the harbour front in Toronto. It was very mellow and beautiful. Almost as beautiful as my see through dress over hot pink underwear.... almost.

After that we headed to the lovely spin gallery to the Friendly Skateboard funraiser/art show. I really love the spin gallery. It is located right above the social. If you have an event taking place there that you are unsure about attending ... GO.

Everytime I go there, I have a good time. On the way out we randomly bumped into Dallas and Sarah who were celebrating Dallas' 23rd birthday (happy birthday dallas!) .... such a small hamilton world we lead.

Sunday was fairly low key... I missed the blow play tonight... it was the low point of the week hahah. BUT leslie carter came into metro and I only realized it was her after she was gone.... forshame... heather and I spent years... YEARS loving her brother... that was my 'in' so to speak, and i let her walk out of reasonably priced clothing heaven onto the mean streets of downtown hamilton :(!. Also ... working backwards through my sunday, (or so it seems), kickball was rained out... what is my week without kickball?? nothing is the answer.

Finally, I went to bed early tonight/last night because I have a fairly full day today (monday). But here I am at 2:50 am blogging hahaha. You can take the girl out of the party, but you can't take the party out of the girl? did i ever party?.... i guess this is a computer party?
oh man
someone stop me

fin!

ps- we love burger king... and ian

snoop d o double g

i was laying in bed watching tennis hilights from yeserdays men's semi finals and an announced actually said - "nadal just dropped it like it was hot"

i had to get up and pee

fin

it's all about the 'he said' 'she said' bullshit

do you know how they say goldfish have a 5 second memory... so they just don't get bored reallly - they swim around forgetting and discovering.... what a magical life that must be.
i guess this would explain why people would smile and say 'hello' after treating you so poorly. they forget their prior behaviour, and pretend that everything is fine.

swim on goldfishy you ain't welcome in these parts.

cast them off and watch them float away

You know how most of you have that story about being 4 and your sister or brother being 5 and he/she cuting off a chunk of your hair with the crayola safety scissors?

This saturday I got ridiculously wasted at a family birthday party, and decided to convince my little brother to 'trim' my bangs.... the problem with young teenage boys is that they don't give a shit about how well they trim bangs... and the thing about drunk 22 year old girls is that they don't care either.

after a long ordeal of trying to make it okay - i had an emergency meeting with my hair dresser ... who laughed and cut my bangs short short to fix them.

in conclusion... i look like my kindergarden picture... and never let siblings near your hair.


fin

i'm stuck here underneath, and you're making it hard to breathe

i think i spent too many years living in a pov student house. Now that I am living the 'life' (so to speak :S) of constant food and clean dishes, I find old habits hard to break. My parents keep beer cups in the house beside the glass cups because I have a few toddler cousins who need the plastic option. Everytime I open the doors to the glasses I automatically grab a beer glass. For some reason, red beer cup just feels like home.
I have this wicked sense of intuition. I think it comes with all the years of raising other peoples children. I can tell if someone is lieing before they even start to speak it. I got this talent along with the eyes in the back of my head after my 5th straight year of nannying. My point is that I think it is ridiculous to try to make yourself 'look better' two weeks after something happened. I am so easy going, and honestly forget half the things people say to me... it is just insulting to try to smooth things that didn't need to be smoothed over. The situation is just more awkward now. In conclusion, I don't pretend to think that you are going to forget everything you say when you are hammered, and you don't pretend that I am stupid enough to buy your stories.
I think that i am also loosing my coping mechanisms. I have been noticing a lot lately that people with ask me a question and I get all panicy because I don't know the answer. Last night, it happened like three times in a row with the same person, and I seriously got overwhelmed. I just have to say it, I don't know the right answer.... who does eh? If you know all the right ones come find me.
Finally, if you see me buying a new bathing suit - stop me. My body is in a bad bad tan line state. I have bathing suit ADD and change my suit every day I go out to the pool. This has resulted in me looking like a big tool naked. I am sure you are all bored by this point....so
gin

or fin even

mo money mo problems

Thank god i start working friday. If not I would have to start selling myself off for parts. My shopping addiction is far too great for only part time work. Come friday I dive into the sweet sweet world of fourteen hour days, and being surrounded by my babies full time. Oh summer months how i missed you!
I think that blonde hair is damaged hair, and damaged hair retains the smell of chlorine. I went swimming for the last few days, and because my hair is so blonde, when i get out of the pool i used special shampoo to clean the chemicals out of my hair... but currently, I smell like a pool... who knows?
Also, my insomnia is back... it is 5am and I am writting a blog about working and smelling like a pool... therfore, if you have a life for me - please let me know.
fin

your kisses taste like honey

I love feist. I have for a very long time, but somehow I always almost forget, and then rediscover her. All of her cds are so beautifully written. She has this way of always writting exactly how I feel. I am a huge loser, I do realise. In any case if you aren't a fan, let me introduce you to her... it is well worth your listening time.

I really enjoy Oscar Wilde. He wrote that it is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. Isn't that so wonderful and true? I bet its always the tedious ones that think they are the most charming.

Finally, while working at metro today, a very gay man told me he was a hairdresser and that he would do my roots if I would suck him off. He said it just like that. He then told me I had a pair of 'tatas' on me and that they looked good in a shirt that he let me try on that he just bought for his friend. I hope his friend hates the shirt because hes going to drop it off at metro for me if she doesn't want it. I love how crazy gay men always love me. I love how I love them even more.

Oh and a big PS blog readers. I am the proud owner of a pair of gold lame hot pants. I wear them every day... I can't wait to sit by the pool tomorrow with my gold lame bikini top paired with those short shorts.... life is good and gold.

fin!