watch them float away

I am so anti social.... to a fault.  I seriously loath going out, or rather the thought of going out. Once I am out its easier, I have an okay time, but the older I get the more I just don't have the desire to be around people that are not real friends.  I think this is probably a symptom of my anxiety, and the (I tried to articulate the people I wanted to stay away from, but it just ended up falling short) self-important attention whores (?) that run in the crowds I end up being around.  I get so lost in my own thoughts, that I actually cannot form words about what is going on inside. Somehow snipits of who I am end up in the world. Just in strands really, that are misconstrued and over analyzed, which further my desire to just go to bed at 9pm.  There is this movie I like where the girl is on an interview and the interviewee asks her, Who is "her name".... and the girl blurts out "I don't know!" and runs out of the office.  I feel that.  I somehow got so quiet.

Also, I feel a little bit lost over where I belong.  It seems that the only way to stay out of trouble in that town is to wear a baseball hat, huge sunglasses, and be in by dark.  I always maintained it was better to have loved and lost, but to what end?  When you actually cannot escape someone, I think it was better to just have never even been introduced in the first place.  If I knew that the unhappiness he has wedged between me and my world would go this far, and begin to cause the internal seclusion I feel lately, I seriously would have run in the other direction and moved to Montreal (or further!).  

So here it is, how do you escape someone you are constantly being chained too?  What if you do all the right things, avoid all the right places, make new friends, leave things on civil terms ... and you get whiped back to them.  What if the place you felt the safest in before gets infiltrated by enemy grounds.... where do you go when your rock, your men switch teams..... they start to 'sleep' with the enemy

where do i go

where do i get to feel safe

nothing is fair in love and war

and my friends it gets worse every year

fin