self preservation is a full time occupation

remember on the city when diane von furstenberg said that the most important relationship you will ever have is the relationship you have with yourself

deep man

very very deep


fin

a good friend with bad habits

I somehow pulled a shoulder muscle last night

I do not how i did that

I must have a weak shoulder or something ... I feel like I have already done this earlier this year... balls.

It is just like a bad fucking week ha ha ha ha

I have this trait about myself that I hate.  I have a really really hard time forgiving people.  Like REALLY hard time.  I think it is a self preservation mechanism.  I just (from experience) find that once someone does something extremely harsh, they are likely to repeat the behaviour.  That and I feel like I hold a grudge, and I don't like being in a friendship where i feel like I resent the other person.  I wish I could just let things go, and move on - forgive and forget right?  I am incapable.  I have been burned too many times by petty people, and now I just have a one big strike and you are out policy.  I am not talking about the small stuff.... I am not unreasonable .... I just feel like if trust is gone, what friendship is there to salvage?

It just stings a little bit harder when you held that person quite close.

I so wish it was my fourth year and  I was graduating in April ... but I am going to make the most of my last summer ... I am SO looking forward to Heather coming home .... I feel like between that and my trip over seas that September will be here before you know it....

oh oh oh! also i brought my old school keyboard back to Toronto with me... I started to teach myself a song last night.. I am stoked on this

I am also stoked on my roof top patio......bbq, hot tub, sun.....come to me summer.... commmmmeeee tooooooo mmmmeeeeeee

fin

ps- in anticipation of passover I have eating 1.5 bagels today..... carbs 4 lyfe

i bet you'll be strangely relieved when i'm gone

 How is this for some school irony

this is the first time in this program that I do not have 6-7 exams.... in fact! i only have 3

but they are April 20, 27, and 30.... WHAT

i am finished school April 30?

is that even allowed?

gross.

I decided I need to change things around in my life in a big way.  I need some serious quarter life spring cleaning.  I talked with my grandfather for a long time this afternoon about life, and my plans for the future... my goals - and how i plan to get there..... and for the first time, I really think I know that I am exactly where I need to be.  I guess if you are a blog reader, this is the time to stay tuned.... I will have a lot to blog about hopefully in the next few months.

now all i need is for the snow to stop!

its april mother nature, cut us some slack

finxooooooooxoxooxoxoxoxxoxoox!

fml.... a reprise

i feel like karma just served me really good...

okay world - we are even now?

fin

fml .... a ps:

ha ha ha ha ha ha 

murphys law?

Brennans friend just brought a disgusting girl back to our apartment and woke me up by offering her our food and drinks

i had to go downstairs and walk it off because i was shaking i was so mad

i don't think i was that unclassy .... ugh ever?

FUCK MY LIFE

fin

for me it's spiders - for you its me.

Comfort is a funny feeling.  It is dangerous.   In the beginning it is reassuring, it provides encouragement, and a safety net - but if you get too enthralled in this comfort, you will eventually lose your footing.  

Nothing lasts forever, so eventually your comforts shift, your situations change, and you find yourself being complacent in new cities, with new people - it is human nature, we all are attracted to the familiar.  

What does this all mean ? what is this convoluted rant trying to get at?

Nothing is unconditional.  Everyone has their price..... everyone has their breaking point.

I love fiercely.  When I let someone in, it is a very very deep in.  So when they end up disappointing me, it always cuts pretty deep.  I have to learn a lesson eventually.  

It is funny, the other day this girl I know was telling me a story about someone doing something shitty to her.... and do you know what i responded with?   I told her that I just expect people to disappoint me now - I don't even get mad, I just wait for it.

I guess I am just over it now.  I am sincerely over turning a blind eye to people treating me with any ounce of disrespect - and I am even more over overextending myself for people who do not deserve it.

Word to the wise.... by the beating of my drum, something wicked this way comes

fin.

apres moi

Yesterday I skipped out of my clinical placement insanely early.... no one ever watches me... and after I finished teaching all the lessons and running the breakfast program -i just left

i went right to telus and returned the shitty phone that didn't work (which i had bought 24 hours earlier)
and decided that it has been too long since i saw Joanna.... so i drove up north and had a really great day with her, and jakers, and laila

yes yes yes i know.... deadlines - but i just needed 10 minutes to myself or i was going to go insane...i am paying for it today
I have a brutal presentation at 6pm .... which will end in our awful teacher ripping it apart

i will confirm this at 8pm for all of you

all in all i think it is safe to say my life is hectic and unpleasent... but only for 28 more days

fin!

ps- look at me ! in my office ! with a new WORKING phone, thanks to the lovely joanna